i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i think i just lost a toe
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
