Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
50% drunk capacity currently
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize