new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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