he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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