I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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