The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
