I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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