I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
