i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
