How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
