Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
