Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
