I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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