i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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