ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
