If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
