i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
