Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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