I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
