i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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