i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
