I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
