So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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