I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
