spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
