Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
