party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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