dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
