Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
