You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
