Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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