Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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