Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
