Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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