OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
