Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
