Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
