youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I touched a dick in church today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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