Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
