I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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