i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
