If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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