mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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