Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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