he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
