if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
