Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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