I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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