my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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