ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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