Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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