During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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