my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
