You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
