I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
