Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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