I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
