so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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