i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
