that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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