Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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