Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
