i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
