i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
