Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
