that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
