So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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